WHEN I was a young boy many decades ago, my parents would take me away on holiday to the seaside for a week to a guesthouse where we were kicked out after breakfast and not welcomed back until it was time for supper.

On the odd days it rained, I rejoiced in the rare treat of a cinema outing.

Back then you had an ‘A’ and a ‘B’ movie – the latter of which was always a corny cop caper – I usually loved these much more than the main feature.

That’s how I felt last night about this production of Peter James’s thriller ‘Wish You were Dead’. It’s part of a series of stage adaptions of Peter James novels concerning his troubled cop hero Detective Superintendent Roy Grace.

This is apparently stage show number six and I must admit to not having seen any of the other five which, like this show, were all adapted by Shaun McKenna.

I have however seen the TV adaptations called ‘Grace’ starring John Simms and are a very different watch in that they make for quite dark and extremely realistic viewing.

Director Jonathan O’Boyle also tackles a very dark theme, which I’m not going to give any spoilers about except to say it’s not so much a whodunit, but more who might do it to whom!

O’Boyle has directed everything to be large and laughable rather than small and sinister. It’s what I’m going to describe as pleasant twaddle with a few shocks to make the faithful ‘Oooo’ and ‘Ah’.

Michael Holt has designed a set of a French Château which does not wobble or shake when the action gets heavy, contains some clever surprises and a magnificent practical knight in armour centre stage.

The cast all go for broke in the ‘Hit the back row with vocals, dear’ stakes, and annoying mannerisms such as Katie McGlynn’s – Cleo Grace’s – non-stop shaking left leg. This is not a criticism as I’m sure it’s the director’s intent. Noel Coward was famous for both – big performance and big gestures – but his lines were always full of joyous language.

Clive Mantle as shotgun toting head villain Curtis, actually manages to bring a little realism to the party – but just a little.

George Rainsford I’m sure gives of his best as Roy Grace, but has an impossible task to thrill as he gets all the long, cumbersome explanation lines to contend with. They did seem more akin to a 1950s BBC Radio 4 blue lamp ‘Evening All’ drama than a modern day blue body count.

There were obviously a lot of Peter James’ fans in the audience as it received rapturous whoops at the walkdown and for many this will be a nice night at the theatre. For me it was agreeable but not repeatable.

Wish You Were Dead runs at Malvern Theatres until Saturday. Click here for times, tickets and more information.